Revelations Chapter 12

Revelations Chapter 12

**Dedicated to Kuraun Kuraun, who has been a staunch supporter from my noob days (and yes, I am still in this phase, I argue) and not only writes helpful, detailed reviews and messages, but also weaves some great tales herself. Thank you for your constant kindness and insightful conversations.

*Allen Walker, Lenalee Lee, and all characters in the -Man Universe do not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for a while to suit my purpose. If it wasn't clear before, I will reiterate that this is an Allen Walker X Lenalee Lee story. Nothing super lemony….just some overdue conversations.

*This story takes place a little bit after the anime ends and way before the whole Kanda-Alma arc/craziness. So, this starts a couple of months after the Level 4 is defeated at HQ and General Cross is able to speak with Allen for a moment wherein he lets him know that Allen is the vessel from which the 14th will be reborn.
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Asia Branch - Lenalee's Quarters

Where are you going?" Lenalee asked, hesitantly.

"To find Lou Fa. I'm going to follow your advice," he said, smiling, as he walked out.

"O-oh…I hope…good lu…" she tried to finish saying, not knowing whether her voice was even above a whisper by that point. But Allen was already out in the hallway and the door was shutting slowly behind him.

The click as the door latched closed seemed to resound loudly in her ears and elsewhere deep within her. It seemed so final, somehow, that door closing on her.

She managed to slump down on the floor with her back against the end of her bed, the shirt she had been folding over and over now just a wrinkled heap beside her. Her head felt heavier than the rest of her all of a sudden so she let it fall back and rest back on the mattress while her eyes focused on the blank nothingness of the white ceiling.

There was an old saying…"You don't know what you've had until you've lost it…" or something to that effect, Lenalee thought to herself. But how could she feel a sense of loss over something she never truly had in the first place? Was it all misplaced hope that she talked herself into actually believing?

Unwittingly, her memories returned to the beginning of it all; to the first day she met Allen Walker. She remembered how very young he looked as she saw the images being projected by the patrol golem on the day he arrived outside Headquarters. Lenalee observed as much as she could, quickly, even if no one else noticed she had. The boy's white hair was shocking at first but it seemed to frame his face as well as the almost silver color of his eyes. By the look of his disheveled clothing and the dirt on his hands, she surmised that he had climbed the entire way up. If only General Cross had advised his apprentice that there was a secret but functional elevator that led all the way up to the Gate, it could have saved the boy a lot of time and effort. But the incredible tenacity it took for that feat alone was not lost on her.

When she had finally gone outside by her brother's request, he had such a stricken look on his face, though no wonder as he was still looking down the pointed end of Kanda's katana, that she recalled having taken some mild enjoyment out of tapping Kanda's head with her clipboard and seeing both of their reactions: Kanda's one of utter indignation and Allen's tense confusion. She would have giggled right then and there had she not taken her responsibilities so seriously.

As soon as they had stepped inside, she introduced herself and he received her politely. Kanda had reverted to his normal, social self, aside from the one where he wants to lop someone's head off, and was rather terse with Allen, calling him cursed and refusing to even shake hands with him. Lenalee remembered the surge of feeling protective of Allen even then; hoping to spare the boy any more hurt feelings. After all, the organization that should have readily ushered him in had just gotten through nearly extinguishing him at their doorstep. It was one thing to be cautious, as Lenalee still planned on being, but it was another to almost lose a possible new addition to their family just because her brother couldn't keep his desk tidy to save his own life.

Sigh. Nii-san

She had quickly come up with a reason for Kanda's behavior; she knew him well enough to make up excuses on his behalf without him caring a wit. As Kanda walked away, she gave Allen the tour and answered his questions, well…most of them. She knew that the guards and staff passing by were talking about him under their breath; noting his age and his strange appearance that did not seem to coordinate with his youth. She wanted to cover his ears so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable but she could only hope that he didn't hear the whispers. And when she had mentioned that the Exorcists called Headquarters home, Allen had seemed to brighten up considerably and she knew then that it was what he desperately needed and wanted. She was going to look forward to planning and throwing the welcome party for him so much more knowing this…

They had been through so much together since that fateful day. As the memories of their hard-won victories and tragic losses flooded her mind, she realized she couldn't pin point the exact moment she started to see Allen differently. She had always known he was special, from that first day, but when had their camaraderie evolved into this living, breathing thing residing deeply within her?

Was it when he came back from his first mission with Kanda and she heard the sound of his voice penetrate through the thick fog that was enveloping her unconscious mind during the Komurin attack on Headquarters? She could still remember how the soft timber of his boyish tenor voice cut through so vividly while she was in her stupor. It was what made her wake herself up at that moment, only to find that headquarters was crumbling and her brother's infernal creation had already drawn Allen into its maw.

Or was it on their first mission together when she realized he was throwing himself into the sphere of a self-destructing akuma? She watched it all happen in what seemed like slow-motion. The akuma was seconds away from detonating and Allen was making a bee line for it without any regard for his own safety or how others might feel if he was hurt in any way or…killed. Without hesitation, she hurtled herself at top speed using her Dark Boots to carry her, and intercepted Allen before he entered the nexus of the explosion. He was so angry with her. He did not understand why she did what she had done. In turn, she was just as angry, if not more. Lenalee had never slapped anyone before then; not even an enemy. So why then? The thought of Allen not giving his own life more weight angered her beyond what she could bear and it also made her incredibly sad. If he wasn't going to value his life, she would make him. Not just for his sake, but for hers as well.

Or maybe it was when she thought she had really lost him; when there was no trace of him left but his thick, darkening blood on the floor of that canopied bamboo forest. Her heart stopped beating in that moment and she no longer felt she was among the living herself. She didn't want to be. She wanted to be where ever Allen was, just to see him, if only for a moment. Her own blood ran cold in her veins and she felt herself shutting down. Watching that moment, through Timcanpy's recording, when his Innocence was destroyed was like watching her entire world go up in flames, not just a piece of it.

Could it have been when the only way her life force returned to her was when she had chosen to believe that he'd return to her and everyone else? Or was it that time she was being held captive in a vortex of the macabre by the Earl himself as he was just about to devour both her and her Innocence whole, when Allen had appeared behind her, out of nowhere, and she felt her stagnant heart begin to beat once more?

No, it had to have been when she finally woke up from her long-enduring nightmare to find Allen holding vigil, bending over her, asking contritely for her forgiveness. Wasn't it then that she felt the swell of life return to her and the overwhelming need to touch him and not ever let go? It must have been then, when she looked unblinkingly into his clear eyes as if he were the only person left in the world, and for that moment, she didn't mind that notion at all.

Sifting through these recollections, what Lenalee slowly came to realize, as she sat there projecting these intense memories and images onto the blank canvas of the white ceiling above her, was that she had always loved him. All of these instances were indications that she had already loved him long before. Her heart began to pound loudly and suddenly her chest cavity seemed too small to contain the thudding against its walls. She placed her right hand over her sternum, as if that would be enough to reinforce the weakening structure.

And now, it was actually starting to hurt.

Asia Branch - Science and Research Dept., basement level

"Mr. Walker! What a nice surprise!" cried Sifu, upon Allen's unannounced entry into their cavernous lab.

Rikei violently wrenched his face out of a stack of data reports when he heard Sifu's greeting. "Walker! It's been a while, hasn't it?" he said, genuinely glad to see a familiar face but also happy to pull himself away from the endless stream of charts and graphs.

"Good to see you as well, Sifu, Rikei!" Allen said, smiling.

"Is there anything we can help you with?" inquired Sifu.

"A-ah, yes, I was wondering…" began Allen…

"Are you by any chance looking for Lou Fa?" Rikei inserted.

"How did you know…?" asked Allen.

"Well, she did come flying through here a few moments ago. She grabbed her pile of work and left just as quickly without a word," explained Sifu.

"She did?"

"Yup. But what an interesting turn of events. Usually it's the other way around," stated Rikei, smiling.

Sifu chuckled.

"Uh…I don't quite understand…" said Allen.

"Well, Walker, when you're around, you usually leave the room and then she goes after you, not the other way around as it seems to be this morning," retorted Rikei, still smiling.

"Eh…I see…" Allen replied, nervously. Does everyone know but me? "Do you by any chance know where she may have gone?" he continued, trying to play it off.

"When she wants to work alone, she often takes her files to the library on the floor above. You could try there," suggested Sifu.

"Okay, thank you both for your help," Allen said, waving cheerfully and walking back toward the hall.

"I hear you're leaving after lunch so let's eat together later!" cried Rikei.

"Sure! Sounds great!" replied Allen back to them before he turned the corner. News travels fast, he thought to himself. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be running around here, even if it was the lower levels of the branch.

Asia Branch – Mundane Library

Both here and back at Headquarters, there was a science library where subject matter books occupied the same space as the specific labs to which they pertained, and there was also a mundane library which was just as vast. This was where all of the non-scientific books were located. Allen had never seen anyone in the mundane library back at headquarters with the exception of Lavi and Bookman, and sometimes Lenalee, when she was looking for new recipes or special interest books. So he supposed if someone was looking for a quiet place to work, this would be it.

At first he didn't hear anyone when he entered but when he stopped walking, he could hear the shuffling of paper coming from the corner in the very back. As he made his way closer, he then also heard another characteristic sound.

"Lou Fa…are you crying?" asked Allen, awkwardly, standing several feet away from the table where she sat with her back to him.

She gasped and turned without thinking and it was plain to see that she was having a tearful morning. Streaks of old and new tears paved a trail from her face down to her small chin and there were mounds of crumpled tissue strewn all over the table already.

"W-walker-san!" she exclaimed and quickly turned back around to wipe her eyes and face with the sleeve of her lab coat. "What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to sound as conversational as she could while frantically cleaning up her table.

Allen quietly moved and sat down in the empty chair beside her. "I just wanted to talk with you. Do you have a few moments?" he asked.

"I…I have a lot of work to do but…I guess I could…" she muttered, not meeting his eyes. She was not ready to talk to him, she rarely ever was; so much so that she counted herself lucky to could get out a full sentence to him without stuttering or feeling sheepish. And that was in a normal situation. But she also could not find it in herself to refuse him anything, even if it meant her dignity. She amassed all the tissues in her near vicinity and threw them into the basket that was underneath the table, her eyes darting everywhere.

"Lou Fa…" began Allen.

"Hm?" she squeaked.

"Please look at me."

Slowly, she lifted her eyes to meet his and was immediately lost in those mercurial pools. Her scalp felt tingly and her braids almost seemed to straighten because of it. The color rose to her nose and cheeks and her face slackened in response to his kind smile.

How could he not have seen this before? It was so obvious now. The silent scrutiny made his face flush as well; uncomfortable with the reaction he was inadvertently eliciting from her.

After a few moments of awkwardness, Allen cleared his throat lightly.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry," he began.

Lou Fa came out of her reverie at the sound of his voice.

"What do you mean? Sorry for what, Walker-san?" she asked, with more strength than she ever thought she had.

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I don't think Lenalee should bear the responsibility at all. It's really me."

"Lenalee? What does Lenalee-san feel responsible about?" she inquired.

"I think she believes she's done something to make things…awkward…between us," he explained, still unsure how to approach this.

"I don't think Lenalee-san would ever do anything to intentionally hurt me, Walker-san," Lou Fa said.

"I feel the same."

"And neither would you," she added.

"I would never wish to, of course. You, Sifu and Rikei have done so much for me. I am very grateful to you all."

Lou Fa nodded almost imperceptibly. And then…

"Are you and Lenalee lovers?"

Allen felt as if he had been struck in the face by a flying brick, teetering so far back in his chair that he almost fell over. He grasped the edges of the table for some stability.

"Wha…what?" was all he could manage at the moment as he turned beet red and tried to remember how to breathe again.

Think before you open your mouth! She berated herself.

"I mean…that is to say, is Lenalee-san someone special to you?" she rephrased.

And now he had come to it. It seemed so simple an idea when he was still looking around for Lou Fa this morning. He'd find her and apologize to her for misunderstanding and even misleading, and then be truthful to her if she asked something like this. He'd just tell her.

Tell her what? His mind screamed at him.

Lou Fa saw such a stricken expression on Allen's face, she wondered if she should retract the question entirely. But she had to know for certain. As a scientist, she only knew how to work with factual data and hated guessing and wondering the most. She always wanted to know things sooner than later, even if that knowledge was something that would set her back, prove her wrong, or god forbid, break her heart. So she waited patiently for Allen to calm down, which he eventually did, until finally he began to look contemplative. With enough time, he'd soon give her the answer, she was certain of it.

There were a scant few people in his life that Allen could say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, had a profound effect on him. One was Mana, his father. Though his life with him was difficult, he never doubted Mana's love and care for him…until recently. But after last night, he'd found some perspective again and decided that he would fight to keep that faith in Mana so that their life spent together was not in vain. Then there was his Master, General Cross, who was an entirely different kind of teacher and mentor than Mana was. His way was vindictive, unscrupulous and callous- always leaving Allen to hold the bag…sometimes literally. But would he have made it to the Order without Master's training, whether it was in properly using his Innocence or in the fine art of subterfuge and blatant underhanded cheating?

And even with all the grudges, misgivings and bitterness, when he gave Allen the news of the existence of the 14th and his relationship with Mana, didn't Master gingerly hold him, trying to cushion the blow of life-changing words he had to deliver. Even in his shocked state, he realized it was the first time Master had ever shown any affection towards him and it was so tender that he had no other choice but to believe in its genuineness, even if it only lasted a brief moment.

And without Master, would he have met all of these friends whom he now considered his new family? He recalled that first night he appeared before the Order. It was such an ordeal that he seemed to have suppressed the initial events of that night unless he really tried to recall it. But what was easy to remember was the sight of a young lady who had rescued him using a clipboard, ushered him in, and welcomed him to his new home.

Lenalee.

Lou Fa noticed the marked change in Allen's expression. It was all happening quickly…at least it seemed so to her.

There had been so much to absorb and learn in his first days at the Order and everyone was patient and understanding with him. With each "welcome home" he heard whenever he returned from a mission, he truly felt he had come home. But there was one that stood out with singularity. When he'd finally regained consciousness after that ridiculous incident with Komui's creation, he was met with the sight of Lenalee taking care of him while he recovered. And then, she smiled at him so sweetly that it stunned him in place for a moment until he felt his chest ache. She didn't seem aware of the affect it had on him as she continued to speak to him normally, comfortably. Perhaps she was just used to being on the receiving end of such reactions from boys and so it didn't faze her at all. Or perhaps she didn't have a conceited bone in her body. He would soon learn it was the latter.

On their first mission together, he remembered feeling quite nervous. He was still new to the rules and, furthermore, he had never worked alone with a young lady before. She was his comrade but he often found himself feeling a little intimidated because she was assertive and more experienced. On top of that, he found he was constantly waiting to see her smile at him, the way she did that day. But instead, he had made her so angry that she had hit him as hot tears fell from her eyes. It was not the effect he wanted to have on her but he was so carried away at the time. He instantly regretted it. Later, when she averted her eyes when they had met his, he felt more distraught than ever but never questioned why. But she eventually forgave him. It had taken a little effort on his part, but she did. The condition of her mercy was to just be allowed to fight by his side since she would always help him. He remembered smiling then - because even though he was in the wrong, Lenalee was giving more than she was really forgiving.

From that point, unconsciously he'd find himself looking around for her in the dining hall or in the science department, hoping to catch a glimpse as she passed through the hall with coffee so he could offer to help and see that smile of hers again. The little daily dalliances buoyed him more than he ever realized; it had pulled him out of dark thoughts and grim conclusions. He only had to think of her laughing or smiling and he'd be pulled back out from the darkness, just as she had pulled him away from the shadows that night in Crowley's castle.

It startled him, just how close she was at the time. Somehow, she'd seen found him during a most anxious time, when his cursed eye was evolving and causing him pain. She had just run to him, clutching him to her before he could retreat into the darkness. He remembered feeling so many things at the time: nervousness at her proximity, the pleasant warmth rolling off of her as she shuddered from the fear or the cold or both, the impact of his realization that she accepted all of him, regardless of his cursed eye, his cursed past, his cursed life. All she had wanted was for him to stay where he was, with her. And so he had settled down and rested his hand on her back as she told him of her frightening dream and the vision of her world. He soon forgot who was there to comfort whom and he didn't care. She valued him more than he thought to value himself and for that, he was grateful. The only regret he had that night, was that it had to end.

They shared a connection, it seemed clear to him now. She had come looking for him that night for that reason. And when he was in traction here at the Asia Branch, trying to recover from the wound given to him by Tyki Mikk, he vividly remembered hearing Lenalee call out to him. It was muffled at first, as if she were speaking through gauze, and then clearer and more desperate the second time. Then he knew. He knew he had to recover quickly. The hair on the back of his neck had stood straight up and he'd felt a sinking sensation. He would only find out later that Lenalee had come back from the brink of death that same night, having gone through water and fire to save her comrades.

And when she finally opened her beautiful eyes to meet his, there was no accusation there, no judgment, only steady absolution and warmth. With just a few words and the gentle touch of her hand, the pain of Suman's life came to rest at last with him. And then she smiled that smile and he was willingly held captive again. It was as if he and Lenalee were the only two people left in the world and he could take as long as he wanted to look into those dark violet irises. But she was taken away just as quickly as she had been returned to him and he felt his heart lurch just as it would have been had Tyki been there himself to rip it from his chest. He followed her. There was no question.

During that harrowing time, with her myriad cuts and bruises, her long hair burned within an inch of her scalp, legs that were bandaged to the hilt and useless, and an Innocence that no longer claimed her, the only thing she complained about was how she couldn't help her friends or carry on in her duties as an Exorcist. That was when he knew there was no single conceit within her. She didn't care how she looked or how she came across…she only cared about the safety of her loved ones and he thought her all the more lovely because of it.

He felt as if his chest was slowly caving in, thinking of Lenalee like this. He had never sat down to quantify his feelings before, especially on matters not pertaining to the Order. And when he added all of these memories up, he realized that the ache he felt was because he missed her. He had only seen her moments ago but the emptiness of her absence was palpably there. It wasn't just her smile he wanted to see; it was her. He realized that this was the very same mysterious and unknown thing that had coiled tighter and tighter in the pit of his stomach these past several months that he had forced distance between Lenalee and himself. What was this? When did he start…? He was grasping at defining something he had never had to name.

Lou Fa saw the shift come over his face again, as if clouds were parting its cover to finally reveal the sun. She was keen on making minute observations; it was what she was trained to do. Sometimes, though, she had to force herself to see results that maybe she did not wish to see. She knew it was time to prompt him once more, if only to confirm it.

"Walker-san…" she began, waiting for him to slowly focus back on her. "Tell me the truth about you and Lenalee-san?"

"I…she's…"

"WALKER!"

Both Lou Fa and Allen jumped from their seats. Howard Link strode imperiously toward them. The flop sweat on Allen's face was too obvious not to notice. He just wasn't sure if it was there prior to his arrival or afterwards.

"Walker, I have been looking all over for you. We leave in one hour and what do I find you doing? Stealing moments with yet another woman! I cannot abide you being influenced by that masher. I insist you stop hanging about Lavi as much as you do. Look at what you've become! It's bad enough that your Master also happened to be a Grade A Lothario. You may already be hopeless and irretrievable at this point!

Allen couldn't help but think of the words "mother hen" during Link's tirade but he knew he was right, he had spent most of the morning in his mind when he should be putting thoughts into deeds. First thing to do was getting Lenalee out of here and back home.

"Supervisor Bak is waiting for us in his office. You can eat your lunch there so you don't continue to expose yourself to every single person at this Branch as you seem so in wont of doing this morning. Let's go," stated Link, without equivocation.

"If you would excuse us, miss," Link said as politely as he could, with a hand already on Allen's lapel.

"I'm sorry, Lou Fa…I wanted to tell you…." Allen said, still grasping at words he couldn't conjure, as he was nearly dragged away by Link.

"I know, Walker-san. I know," she stated simply, tears pooling in her eyes but not falling.

Whatever she knew with such certainty, he wished he had a few more moments so he too could be enlightened.

TO BE CONTINUED
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A/N – Okay! So back to the Lou Fa age issue! I know I posted the definitive proof that she's 18 years old in the previous chapter's A/N… BUT…apparently Lavi was as confused as I was (at least in the anime). In the episode titled "Homecoming," when they use the ark to return to the Asia Branch, Lou Fa bum- rushes Allen and is then accused of being his woman by General Cross, which Allen soundly denies. As Lou Fa is subsequently entranced by the notion of being Allen's woman, Lavi interjects and asks Allen, "Who is the kid?" referring to Lou Fa. SO HA! Lavi thought she was younger, too! Okay, I'm done with my rant. I beg everyone's pardon that I have her age wrong in this fic.

Also, sorry for the blocks and blocks of words. I usually like to expose plot or ideas through dialogue but it was all introspection all the time and I know it can get boring to just read thoughts. I'll try to keep that to a minimum in the next chapter because I know it's not my favorite thing to read either. Thanks for coming along all this way! I think this can only go on for a few more chapters anyway so we're in the home stretch, folks!